Saturday, January 10, 2015

Operation Twenties

Here I am, starting off another year in my life trying to make myself the best possible version while all still trying to find who I am and who I am supposed to be in this world.

I'm 21 years old and I've felt lost in my own life since I was 19. I don't actually have any idea what I want to do with my life. I see all these people around me graduating college, getting married, working some of the coolest jobs and I'm a server at a restaurant in my hometown, I'm so far behind in school that I actually think I'm never going to graduate, and I live at my parents house. I can't help but compare my life to those who have been mentioned. 

I understand that I shouldn't compare my life to anyone's and I shouldn't be ashamed of myself, but you all must understand. I live at home to save money and to partially figure out who I want to be. I've been home for almost 4 months and all I have done is transferred colleges - again. I still work my serving job and I have no others lined up nor do I have an internship coming up this summer. My closest friends are either graduating and moving away, graduating and working at cool jobs thatbtheybare proud of, or some are heading off on their own journey to find themselves with a higher chance of succeeding than I do. 

Now it may seem that I've just continued to bash myself this entire post but I hope you know that I've realized that and hats why this blog (and my YouTube here) even exists. I want to begin my life already but I want to live by the phrase "chase your passions not your pensions" so that's exactly what I'm going to do for now. Hopefully I will realize what I want in life soon, and I will return to my independent self who didn't mind being alone instead of the girl who is constantly sad, terrified of being alone and has become so dependent on another human being that she can't leave them for more than a week without thinking they don't/shouldn't want her. 

I hope you all join me over these next 9 ish years to watch me grow and share with the world that it's okay to not follow the path that society has made us believe is the only one. 


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